A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks
him what it’s for. He responds, “It keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold.” The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The
next day, she goes to work proudly displays it. Coworker asks,
“What do you have in it?” She replies, “Soup and ice cream.”
GRAND THEFT AUTO
A blonde gets in her car and notices her steering windshield,
wheel, and dashboard missing. She calls the police and reports
a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde
who is crying and says, “Ma’am, you’re sitting in the backseat.”
TWO BLONDES FACE A PARKING DILEMMA
Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars
together. Since they could never remember where they parked,
they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they
could spot their vehicles. One blonde says “We need to find a
faster way to get home.” The next day, they come to work on
a donkey. After work they come out and see a donkey tied to
the fence. I think we’re going to have to wait again, “says one
blonde. “I’m not convinced that’s our donkey.” “Why not?” asks
the second blonde. The first blonde says, “Well, this donkey
only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I
distinctly overhead someone say, “Look at those two a**holes
on that donkey.'”
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She comes out and says, she did.
DUMB AND BEAUTIFUL
A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks,
“But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied,
“So she would love you.”
SHE WAS REALLY A HE
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they
see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader,
a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you
doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he
doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to
miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why
don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep,
lingering kiss. After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says,
“Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real
talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you
committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up
like a girl…”
ADVICE TO FATHERS
The most important thing a father can do for his
children is to love their mother.
ADVICE TO MOTHERS
Never marry a man who hates his mother
because he will end up hating you.
One who makes sure she spends so much that
her husband can’t afford another woman.
A WOMAN’S WORLD
Wife: You were so drunk, you insulted your boss.
Husband: Piss on him.
Wife: You did, so he fired you.
Husband: Fuck him.
Wife: I did so you could get back your job.
MOST PIOUS PEOPLE
Paayos ng dibdib.
Paayos ng ilong.
Paayos ng bilbil.
Paayos ng kulubot.
Paayos ng kilay.
Paayos ng buong katawan.