• Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
• A life with love is happy; a life for love is foolish.
• A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
• Three humble shoemakers brainstorming make a great statesman.
• Visiting monks give better sermons.
• He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
• An ambitious horse will never return to its old stable.
• A conversation with a wise person is worth of ten years’ study of books.
• What’s purple, 10,000 km long and 12m high? The grape wall of China.
• Where can you always find a tiger’s head? Four feet from his tail!
• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• English mothers feed their babies with tiny spoons! Chinese mothers use toothpicks!
• Is it true? Dad, I heard that in China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries. That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
PROBLEM WITH SPEAKING ENGLISH
• Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
• Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
• Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
• Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
• Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
• Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
FAVOURITE CLEAN CONFUCIUS JOKES
• Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.
• A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
• Man who sink into woman’s arms will soon find arms in woman’s sink.
• Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
• Man becomes old when he watch food instead of waitress.
• Man who dream of eating giant mushroom – wake up with no pillow.
• War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
• When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
CONFUCIUS ON CARS!
Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man who sleeps on road, wakes up feeling run down.
• Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!”
HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE CHINESE
• You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
• At least once, you’ve started a joke with the phrase: Confucius said….”
• You know what bok choy is.
• Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
• Everybody thinks you know karate/tae kwon do.
• You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation Chinese food.
• You learned the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
• You will most likely be taller than your parents.
• Your parents made you play the piano, violin, or both.
• You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
• You have sticks, leaves, dried skin, strange unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.