And now, my end is near,
I will now face the nation's judgement.
My friends, I say it clear, I have a case     and its impending.
 I've lived a lie thats full and gained from deals from every highway.
Oh yes, I stole a lot, and did it my way.

Matay mang isipin, di ko matagpuan
Ang sagot sa isang simpleng katanungan;
Bakit tayong Pinoys – maka-Dios na tanan –
Labis na sugapa ‘pag sa kasamaan…?

- War not determine who right. War determine who left.
- If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
- To meet girl in park is good, but to park meat in girl better.

Nang tayo’y likhain, ang Proklama ng Dios:
“Go forth on this Planet, Multiply and Produce!”
Tayo ay binigyan ng Sex nang ma-induce
Upang mag-Copulate, Ayy! Que Naïve! Por Dios!

Matay mang isipin, di ko matagpuan
Ang sagot sa isang simpleng katanungan;
Bakit tayong Pinoys – maka-Dios na tanan –
Labis na sugapa ‘pag sa kasamaan…?

Mike: Listen, don't spend that kind of money. There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Marl. Give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what is wrong and
what to do about it in 10 seconds. It will cost 10 dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor. So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

Ang Lengwaheng Paracale, sa Taynga ay na-Regubrob -
Laburnusan, Tarakbuhan, Kurag-itan at Turayog,
May Kuyumad saka Tungaw, may Lugita saka Antod;

• Cebu is the first Philippine City.
• Maria Teresa Calderon is the world champion speed reader listed in the Guiness Book of World Records.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Hala Na, Mahal ko, magbulaan ikaw!
Marahang ibulong na ako’y mahal mo,
Isumpa sa mga tala’t bulalakaw
at alayan ako ng Rosas at Liryo…

First love, first kiss, first date, first time, that's why the JOKER wishes to be the first to greet all of you....
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ana:  Tonight, I must have some sex before before I get older.
Lyn:  Ok, just tell me how it was. ( Later, after sex)
Lyn:  Well, tell me how it was. Why do you keep on looking at your pussy? Whats wrong?
Ana: It was 6 inches when it went in  and 3 inches only when it came out. I'm trying to look for the other half.

Kay-lamig ng gabi kung walang kasama,
Kahit na kay-lapit ng Asawang Sinta;
Sa kabilang kuarto, angkapiling niya
Ay Laptop-Computer na ubod nang Ganda.

Nang wala pa itong lekat na computer,
Sariling-sarili itong aking Mister;
Ngayo’y wala akong matagpuang Answer;
Kung bakit napalitan ng Lover na Monster!

Question: Ano ang tawag sa yaya ni Nora?
Answer: Maid of Aunor.
Question: Anong mas malaki sa city?
Answer: Di otcho!
Question: Ano sa tagalog ang street?
Answer: Diretcho.

Doon sa Mindanao, naghahari ngayon –
Putukan ng Bomba, Dagundong ng Kanyon!
Madalas dumanak sa parang sa burol,
sa-Magkakapatid na Dugp ng … Pinoy!