WHY SHOP AT WAL-MART

One day, in line at the company cafeteria -
Joe: My elbow hurts like hell. I'd better see a doctor.

Mike: Listen, don't spend that kind of money. There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Marl. Give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what is wrong and
what to do about it in 10 seconds. It will cost 10 dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor. So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits 10 dollars and the computer lights up and asks for a urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

After 10 seconds the computer ejects a print-out:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks."
"Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine sample from his wife and daughter.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check what will be the results.

He deposits 10 dollars and pours in his concoction and waits.

After 10 seconds the computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 7)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Get anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 9)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab soon.
4. Your wife is pregnant and it's not yours. Get a lawyer

"Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

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SOME MASSAGE STYLE

Masahista: Sir, ano po gusto ninyong masahe?
High or Low?
Customer: Ano naman ang kaibahan ng high or low?
Masahista: Nakati-high-ya ako o naka-low-hod ako?

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GOOD AND THE BAD GIRLS

Good girls open few buttons in hot atmosphere but bad girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.

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JOB SEEKER

Interviewer: Are you disabled in any way?
Applicant: Yes, a land mine blew my testicles away.
Interviewer: Ok, you're hired. Working hours are from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm. Make sure you are here by So, 10:00 am every day.
Applicant: You said 8 am to 5 pm but why do you require me to come in only at 10 am?
Interviewer: This is a government office with a government job. The first two hours, we just sit around scratching our balls... no point in you coming in for that.

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A LIFETIME GUARANTY

Customer: Please return my money for this shirt I bought.
It says here "guarranty, no shrinking". Isang laba lang, nagshrink agad.
Tindera: Look, this shirt is made in China. You have to read from right to left... 'shrinking no guarantee'.

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A GOOD EXCUSE

In a check point...
Pulis: Saan kayo pupunta sa ganitong oras na alas tres ng Madaling araw?
Pedro: Sa isang lecture.
Pulis: At sino naman ang maglelecture sa ganitong oras?
Pedro: Ang missis ko!

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KALIBUGAN

It's a fact that ang pinakamalibog na hayop ay ang kabayo.
Pero maraming nagsasabig... COW daw. Is it true na cow nga ba?

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A POOR PREACHER

Minister: Careful with my car, I can't afford to lose it. You know I'm just a poor preacher.
Mechanic: Yes, I know... I heard you preach.

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RELIGIOUS LESSON

Teacher: Don't ever use 'A' before a plural....
Examples by the teacher: A horses, A houses etc.
Pupil: But teacher, why does the priest always says A-men?!

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