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How To Relate Wisely With Others

Years ago, Pluto was removed from the list of planets? What does it mean? When the scientists decided to remove Pluto as one of the planets, it is an admission that they made a mistake. Therefore, for those who rely too much in scientific findings as the basis of their beliefs or no beliefs in God should realize that scientific findings are not reliable all the time.

I would not be surprised that one day scientists would say, that the theory of evolution was wrong, for we did not come from the monkey. What about those who believe in the horoscopes and those who believe that their lives are the result of the movement of the stars?

No one has disproved that the Bible is inaccurate when the Bible was written thousands years ago, before the first scientist was born. Events transpired through the passage of time slowly and surely confirm that the Bible is the true word of God.

Those who are skeptics in believing the Bible as the word of God should rethink their beliefs.

Almost everyday we encounter people who are difficult to deal with. We need to learn how to deal with other people without conflict.

James 3:18 New Living Translation (NLT)

“And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”

 It means, what you plant you harvest. In every relationship, every day, you are sowing or planting seeds: seeds of anger, seeds of trust, seeds of conflict or seeds of peace.

How do you plant seeds of peace in your relationship? How can you have peaceful relationships? By being wise toward people. Not knowledgeable, but wise. Have you ever noticed how uncommon, common sense is?

 Usually, people do not relate to each other. Sometime we do the exact opposite of what we need to do toward people. We act foolishly toward them and it causes all kinds of conflict.

James defines real wisdom. He shows how it differs from our normal reactions. Then he details how it operates.

James 3:17 New Living Translation (NLT)

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.”

 James mentions six things in that verse and he says, that’s what wisdom from God is all about.

He simply says, that wisdom is a lifestyle. It’s a way to relate to people. It’s a practical use of knowledge. It has more to do with works than your words. It has to do with your lifestyle, not your lips.

It’s something that you do. It’s your character and your relationships, not your intelligence and your education. It also means that lack of wisdom causes problems – problems with people. When I’m unwise toward my wife, it causes problem. If she is unwise towards me it also causes problem.

When I am unwise towards our children, it causes problems. When I am unwise toward people around me, it causes problem.

How do you know if you’re being wise in your relationships? We’re going to take a wisdom test to see how wise we are in the way we relate with other people. The Bible says if I’m wise, I will act six specific ways toward others.

1.If I’m wise, I won’t compromise my integrity.

That’s the bottom line. First of all wisdom that comes from heaven is pure (that means, uncorrupted and authentic), while wisdom from the world, the Bible says, is foolishness in the eyes of God. James is talking here about integrity.

If I’m wise, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not going to cheat you, I’m not going to take advantage of you. Why these are important? Because all relationships are built on trust. If you lie to people all the time, nobody is going to trust you, so you will have no relationships.

Lying includes when you do not come to your appointment without any valid reason. You should not promise, if you could not do it, because God does what He promises.

Fulfill your promises including your promises to your wife and children, otherwise, you will lose your integrity, that’s include losing your credibility.

Dr. Leonard Keeler was the guy who invented the Lie Detector Machine. After interviewing 25,000 people on the Lie Detector Machine, he came to this conclusion about the human race: People lie. As a result that’s why we have bad relationships. If I’m wise I will not compromise my integrity.

Proverbs 10:9New Living Translation (NLT)

“People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.”

 Do not compromise your integrity. Again, Do not compromise your integrity.

2.If I’m wise, I won’t antagonize your anger.

 Wise people work at maintaining harmony. They are peace loving. They’re not looking for a fight. Some people love to be argumentative.

Proverbs 20:3 New Living Translation (NLT)

Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.”

 Do not provoke anyone to get angry. If you know the hot button to make your husband or wife angry, do not push it to start an argument. The Bible says, if you do it, you are a fool.

When you know what makes a person angry, and you do it anyway, that’s dumb! If I’m wise, I’m peace loving and I will not antagonize your anger. Couple of things that cause anger:

  1. “Why can’t you be like ….?” That’s make people angry. Or you are just like Pedro or Petra a gossiper.”
  2. Corinthians 10:12 says, “It is unwise to compare.” Don’t do it. It only causes anger.
  3. Condemning – it causes problems with other people when you say: “It’s yourfault!”

Proverbs 14:29 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

 A person of great understanding is patient, but a short temper is the height of     stupidity.

 Anger gets us into trouble. If I am wise I don’t antagonize your anger.

  1. If I’m wise I won’t minimize your feelings.

 Be considerate. Considerate means, it is mindful of the feelings of others. One of the mistakes we make is this statement, “I don’t agree with your feeling.”

Remember, feelings are neither right or wrong, they are simply feelings. Husbands, if your wife feels that way, accept it. It does not mean it’s right or wrong. Wives, if your husband feels that way, accept it. Feelings are feelings.

I remember one time, my mother came to our house one afternoon, she said, “It is cold here.” Everybody in the house did not feel cold, but I gave her a jacket because she was cold. Our feelings were not wrong, she was cold, we were not cold.

Proverbs 15:4 New Living Translation (NLT)

“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit”.

 Our typical reaction to feelings, is we belittle them, we say, “It’s not a big deal … you shouldn’t say that way.”  That is not being considerate. If I am wise, I don’t minimize your feelings. You need to be considerate.

If I’m wise I will not minimize my integrity, I won’t lie or cheat. And I won’t antagonize your anger, because wisdom is peace loving. And I’m not going to minimize your feelings – even though it doesn’t make sense to me, I’m still going to accept it.

4.If I’m wise, I won’t criticize your suggestions.

James 3:17 says:  that wisdom is first of all pure, peace loving, considerate and submissive. It means it’s open to reason. If I’m wise I will not criticize your suggestions.

Wise people can learn from anybody. They’re not defensive. They are teachable. They are open to criticism and suggestions. Most of us are so sensitive to criticism and to suggestions – as a result we never learn anything. That’s why we don’t become wise. Wisdom is reasonable.

Proverbs 12:15 New Living Translation (NLT)

“Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.”

 What to do with criticism:

1.If it is true listen and learn from it.

2.If it is not true, ignore it and forget it.

3.Realize that ultimately God is the only judge in your life.

If you never change your mind, it just says, that you are not growing. It is dumb.

If you do not want to change your mind, why go to school and study? Just stick to your beliefs and traditions. You are wise if you are open to learn and change for the better, because change, means your are growing.

There are people who says, “I don’t believe what is written in the Bible.” The answer to that statement is, “What part of the Bible you do not believe?” Most of the time they cannot answer, for they do not even read the Bible.

5. If I’m wise I won’t emphasize your mistake

The Bible says, “Wisdom is full of mercy.” Do you laugh every time someone makes a mistake? Or do you always bring up the past? Jesus says, that’s dumb. If I’m wise I won’t emphasize your mistake Wisdom is full of mercy.

Proverbs 17:9 New Living Translation (NLT)

“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”

 Real friends don’t keep on mentioning your mistakes. A wise person won’t emphasize your mistake. He’s full of mercy.

What is mercy? Mercy (a synonym of grace) is giving people what they need that they do not deserve. That’s the way God is doing on you and me. God is merciful God. God gives you what you need not what you deserve, because He is merciful God.

God wants us to be that way to others. That is the wise way to act. Treat people with mercy. You don’t emphasize their mistakes and their faults and their failures. When somebody stumbles, you don’t judge him/her, but you encourage him/her to learn lessons from his/her mistakes.

The Bible says, “Wisdom is full of mercy and good fruit.” What does that mean? Good fruit means it’s more than just talk. It’s kind of actions. It’s not just attitude, it’s actions.

6. If I’m wise , I won’t disguise my weaknesses.

 I won’t disguise my own weaknesses. The Bible says, “Wisdom is impartial and sincere.” The point here is that, wise people don’t try to fake their weaknesses. They are open, sincere, real and authentic. This alone would improve relationship so much.

If I’m wise, I won’t disguise my own weakness. It is dumb to pretend that you are perfect. Look at the following passage:

Proverbs 28:13 Living Bible (TLB)

A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”

 Wisdom begins with knowing God.

Psalm 111:10New King James Version (NKJV)

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;

A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.

His praise endures forever.

 Secular (worldly) difference between knowledge and wisdom is – wisdom is an application of knowledge. Spiritually, the difference – is, knowledge, you look around to get it. While wisdom, you look up to get it. Knowledge is something you work for.

Wisdom is a gift from God. Knowledge is something you learn. Wisdom is revelation from God. You cannot dispute wisdom for it is coming from God. Example the doctrine of Trinity or Triune God. That is three persons in one God.

 The first thing to do – is ask wisdom from God, if you want to be wise in your relationship to other.

James 1:5 New Living Translation (NLT)

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”

 You need to pray that God will help you to be wise in the way to relate to your children, your spouse, and people around you, not to be dumb to do things that are to be counterproductive. Ask God for wisdom.

The second thing to do – is to let Christ build that wisdom from within.

Colossians 2:3 New Living Translation (NLT)

In him (Jesus) lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.”

 That means all the wisdom of the universe is concentrated in God through Jesus Christ. When you invite Christ into your life, He has all the wisdom you need. Let Jesus live through your life, and you will become wiser in the way you relate to others.

Look at this: God’s wisdom has nothing to do with your diploma, it has everything to do with your attitude or character. Wisdom tells me how wise you are. You need wisdom from God (not from the world) to relate wisely to others.

Adam Aspilla is an Executive Director of Word Became Flesh Ministries (WBFM) a non-denominational Christian church. He has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration (BSBA) from University of the East, Manila Philippines, studied law in the same university, and has a Master of Divinity (MDiv.) from Tyndale University & Seminary, in Toronto, Canada. He also operates the Debt Clinic of Canada Inc., and author of the books: “You Can Negotiate All Your Debts” and “51 Frequently Asked Bible Questions.” He also conducts regular Bible Studies on What’s God’s Ultimate Purpose of Creating Humanity.  To join his FREE Bible studies and for free used clothing and kitchen wares call or email at the number and email address below. He also writes a column on “Personal Finance” in this paper. WBFM is at 1180 Unit 1 Mid-Way Blvd. Mississauga ON. Website: www. wbfmfamily.com. Telephone:905-565-1346. Email: www.wbfmfamily.com

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