Money can make dating complicated. The best thing to do is talk about it, experts say

Pierre Kasongo says not having his own place is limiting his dating prospects.

“Some women don’t find a man that doesn’t have his own place appealing,” the 39-year-old Edmonton resident told Just Asking guest host Anis Heydari. “How do I date when I don’t have my own place?”

The high cost of living is making it harder for Canadians like Kasungoe to date.

The annual inflation rate rose to 2.4 per cent in September, according to Statistics Canada. The agency says food and rental prices are big contributors to the increase. Food inflation has been trending upwards since April 2024 and rent prices are up 4.8 per cent year-over-year.

And all that financial pressure is making it complicated to date. But experts say the best way to avoid problems is having honest conversations about money and expectations.

“It can be tricky,” said financial counsellor Jessica Moorhouse. “Dating itself could be expensive. You’re doing activities or going out for dinners, it can add up really quickly.”

Advice for financially-mindful dating

Relationship coach Robin Ducharme says dating doesn’t have to involve huge expenses. Free and low-cost activities like walking, biking or coffee are good options, she says.

When dining out, to avoid awkwardness when a bill arrives, Ducharme recommends discussing how it’ll be handled early in the date.

Having a standing date night or taking turns paying for outings can also take pressure off dates.

Moorhouse says some couples keep their finances separate while others opt to pool their money to pay joint expenses like dates.

“There’s no right or wrong way to budget as a couple, and it will likely evolve over time,” says Moorhouse.

She says some couples contribute to joint accounts or pay for bills based on how much they earn.

“Whoever earns the most will contribute a higher percentage. That’s what’s actually fair, not 50/50 unless you’re earning the exact same income,” Moorhouse said.

Setting expectations

Toronto-based relationship columnist and dating expert Jen Kirsch says people tend to try and impress their dates early in a relationship with nice outings or footing the bill. But when there’s an unequal understanding about financial expectations, that can strain a relationship.

She says people shouldn’t offer something to someone then guilt them or make them pay in other ways later, like by criticizing the person’s choices or complaining about paying afterwards. Kirsch says this can create a power struggle.

“At the beginning, people tend to be very generous, then there’s resentment that becomes held,” Kirsch says. “It comes at a cost, not only to the other person but to the relationship as a whole.”

Kirsch promotes transparency, kindness and a lack of judgement in conversations about personal finances.

She says her partner overspent his budget and was tight on rent in the early stages of their relationship but she didn’t know until they had a conversation.

She said she was “relieved” to know why it felt like he was pulling back.

“The most common issue people are having is not having these conversations to begin with,” Kirsch said. “They’re going to chat GPT or their buddies instead of just being honest with the person that they’re seeing.”

Discussing the ‘economics of your life’

Lambers Fisher, a marriage and family therapist, says daters want to know where they stand financially to determine if money will be a barrier they need to work through.

He says conversations about personal finances can feel awkward or taboo, but he urges people to have them.

“It’s not a matter of if you bring it up but when. The goal is not about keeping secrets,” he said.

But don’t jump to it. Lambers says talking about your financial situation isn’t an appropriate first-date topic.

People want to feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with a partner before delving into personal subjects, says Ducharme.

“[We’re] putting too much pressure on those first few dates,” Ducharme said. “We’re looking outwards too much. We’re looking at, ‘How am I being perceived?’ But that’s putting a mask on.”

According to Moorhouse, people’s relationship to money is emotional and can be influenced by several factors such as past experiences, familial and cultural upbringing, and age.

“When you start to see that there’s potential that this could be something serious, then it’s appropriate to start talking about more serious topics, such as the economics of your life,” she said.

Ducharme says having hard, honest conversations with a love interest is crucial for building healthy relationships. And those conversations shouldn’t focus on dollars amounts but instead on people’s beliefs.

“It’s time for us to step up our communication and actually be upfront and honest without any sort of pretense,” said Ducharme.

But even if your values don’t line up, don’t panic.

Kirsch says people can come to an understanding even if they don’t align in their relationships to money, but it’s also important to realize when incompatibility could lead to larger issues.

Interview with Lambers Fisher and Jessica Moorhouse produced by Brianna Gosse